Today we went to church. First time since all of the hatred and rejection from St. Benedict’s Academy almost a year ago to the day.  Healing will hopefully begin….but, to step up for healing, it takes courage, strength, and confidence. I think we have all of the those back in place……Claire is having a harder time for me. But, she went today because she wanted to. Her tears were more than I can express….but, now, a few hours later, she is calming.  The church we went to was amazing and simply put, God’s work is in place. The sermon was simply meant for us…..it was about judging others……and not casting a stone before we are full from all sin ourselves….I am simply awestruck that it was the lesson of the day…..

Forgiveness is the goal. Peace is the answer. Please pray for our family as we try to find our balance with God and the church again after such horrible hatred pushed us away.

I am NOT kidding!! There was a 12 year old working at Staples Office Supply store in Calgary tonight!! There is a VERy large worker shortage here. Basically KIDS get paid 15 bucks an hour to stock shelves! They are walking CASH machines!! BUT COME ON!!! 12 YEARS OLD!! A 12 year old is ONLY 4 years older than my “almost” 8 year old….I can’t believe that Staples would stoop THIS LOW! At what point is it called CHILD labor??? Is a 12 year old not a child any longer? As my bagger….mind you…..very polite….and 12 year old demeanor…..he packed 3 reams of paper into a THIN plastic bag! 12 year olds belong on bikes and playing with friends. WHY DO PARENTS let their 12 year old go to work???

OK…done ranting…

My head is spinning with tons of stuff going on, so I can’t really focus to write. I will try to figure out how to put it all into words later this week…….it has been an eventful week……not a bad one, just sort of intense and full of decisions. Claire has worked until 10 or 11 pm every day for almost 2 weeks and I am burnt out. The boys really loved camp this week.

I am BEYOND anxious about the school year starting. BEYOND! ..I just need to settle…..and I don’t know how. ……Adam is starting 1st grade and I feel like my little baby is gone. …brings tears to my eyes that he is growing up and at the same time, brings tears to my eyes at what a beautiful and amazing child we are sending into the world. He was home with me more than Andrew and I taught him so many things in the last two years. I feel like my little shadow is emerging into his own being….to walk beside me, rather than behind me…..and in some way, I just want to tuck him as my shadow forever. …but, I can’t…..
I pray and I worry that the teacher that Adam has will not cherish is love of nature, will not see his pride in rhyming, and will not love him and his whole soul…..Passing this little man to a person that I do no know is difficult for me…..I did not realize how hard it would be….I did not realize until this week.

Andrew was a mess when we came to Calgary. He missed every person, every memory, his bed, his life, his house….and he was ANGRY! We did what we thought was “right” and put him in school. IT WAS A DISASTER. He hated every minute of it. He was punished for punching and biting and hitting……something that we have NEVER EVER had to witness. Andrew is a imaginative, soft, and very sensitive child….who cares deeply for his friends and wants to be nothing but accepted. Every single day I heard of the turmoil that he caused and the chaos that he was living…..the last day of school was nothing but a relief for our family. After a few days of summer…I saw a smiling child, I saw the boy that I knew…I saw the laughing and happy child that I have worked so hard to create……he had been stolen away by grief and he was mourning……his lack of words as a child were not seen as vulnerability, but they were turned into a problem child that was hateful and vindictive. How do I let this little child go again? I want them to love him, guide him, and know that he is playful and joyful when just a tiny bit of love  is added……Will they take the time to love or only the time to discipline? Will they see the joy or will they see it as a disruption? How do you tell a teacher that she needs to love your child? I am not a perfect mother, very very far from it.  My lack of patience and my loud tone may filter my ability to let my admiration of them shine through….I hope that one day I can learn to parent in a calm and patient way.

Transition is hard for me. My nest is empty at home. I will miss my baby boys. I pray that those who are gifted with them during the day, realize that they are  my gifts from far away lands….and treat them with the love that pours from my heart. Love my babies…..love my gifts….

IMG_4288, originally uploaded by EuroBoysNh.

Just another summer day. Usually the day starts off with a dragon or two….and then on to superheros!

I love that my kids still love to dress up!

Cute thing Andrew said tonight….

“Mama, did you know…………it takes just about a minute for an itch to fully load…..and then just turns into a HUGE itch.” I found it funny for some reason….the thought of a “itch…loading”…